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1/17/2007

Opinion: Tell Your Cootie-Infested Sister to Play Somewhere Else

Guest editorial by Nathan Higgins, 4th grade

Look, Allen, I know it's your brand-new PS3, and I like playing Grand Theft Auto IV and all, but your stupid little sister has got to go.

If she runs out here one more time to try and kiss me, I'm going to punch her in the face. I don't care if she is just a second-grader.

So what if your mom says she gets to play, too. We could just tie her in the closet or something, nobody has to know.

Or we could play hide and seek outside, and then run in and lock all the doors. I mean, yeah - I appreciate you inviting me over to kill hookers and shoot cops and sell drugs and run over winos, but your smelly sister is ruining everything.

I'm not trying to give you a lot of blah blah blah about this, but Brian has Resident Evil V, and he doesn't have any sisters.

Or any brothers, either, since Jacob got run over by that truck on the highway, and his mom just sits there and drinks whiskey and cries to herself, which is kinda creepy.

So, let's do something to get rid of stupid-head Kirsten, OK? We've got a good thing going at your house, and I'd hate to let a little wah-wah baby sister spoil it all.

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