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Opinion: You're Not Just Tailgating, You're Invading My Space

Guest editorial by Nick Polanich, agitated motorist

Look, you impatient fuck. I am going eight miles over the speed limit, and I do not apperciate your minivan right up on my ass. In fact, you are so close that I can see the glint of your tiny Razr V3 phone as you blather on with one of your idiot friends about how much traffic there is.

But you're not just tailgaiting, you're invading my personal space.

Sure, I know, you probably spend your whole life getting way too close to people, the kind of garlic-breathed schmuck who laughs too loud and spits small pieces of food on me at parties.

I understand this.

But I have some issues you should know about. One of them - let's just say - involved a drunken uncle 20 years ago, and I'm still working through the whole people-right-behind-me thing.

The other issue is my temper, which is short. Very. Short. And it's about ready to tell me to slam on the brakes, take a rear-ending, and to go out and pound your smarmy face into the pavement.

So for your sake and mine, either back the fuck off or pass me. You may not know what personal space is, but you're about to learn what it means to have a fist break your fucking nose.

Oh - and take care now.

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Don't be a puss. It's not our problem that you had an "experience" 20 FREAKIN YEARS AGO that you're still trying to work out. How bout you ride the freakin bus until you work your issues out. I can't stand people like you who think that everyone on the road needs to cater to your needs. The road is meant to take people from point A to point B. Not lollygag on and drive all slow with your finger up your butt. If you have people on your ass, then get out of the left lane. And if you still have people on your ass, then you're going too damn slow. If you can't handle it... then do the rest of us a favor and leave the driving to people who don't let things that happened to them 20 years ago affect their current driving behavior. Don't be a freak
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