.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

2/16/2007

Hefty Man Pushing for 10-Meter Sprint in Olympics

(Toledo, OH) Toledoan Aaron Rice, who weighs in at a hefty 377 pounds, said that he is embarking on a campaign to add a new event to the Summer Olympics: the 10-meter dash.

"It's pretty simple, really - there's no way in hell I could even walk 100 meters," he said. "I figure I'd at least have a fighting chance if the distance was shortened."

Rice said that he has mapped out a 10-meter course in his house, and is engaged in regular training.

"In my house it's exactly the distance from the couch to the refrigerator," he said, flexing his leg muscles. "You've got to be pretty damned fast to get to the fridge, find something to eat, and run back before the Final Jeopardy answers get revealed."

Very large sandwichLeft: Training begins with a healthy infusion of carbs, according to Rice

Rice also believes that there is another advantage to his participation in the proposed 10-meter dash.

"With a fortuitous jump, gravity and momentum should give me an edge against those skinny sprinters," he noted. "Plus, in the shorter sprint my competitors will actually travel farther, since they have to go around me. All in all - I was made for this event."

Comments:
No wonder Aaron's dashing to the fridge, that sammich barely qualifies as an appetizer ;-)
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?