.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

2/02/2007

Local Dog "Disgusted" With the Swill You Expect Him to Eat

Black dog of mixed ancestry (Toledo, OH) Hopper, a local canine of uncertain ancestry, expressed "total disgust" with the off-brand dog food his owners recently purchased.

"What kind of dried-up, crusty old rat turds are these?" he asked Toledo Tales reporters. "I'll bet you bastards have never eaten any of this crap, or you'd never think of feeding it to a dog. That is, unless you are trying to kill me or something."

Hopper said that he overheard a disturbing conversation between his owners last week.

"The bitch was talking about how tight money is, and asshole there brought me into the picture, saying: 'That damned dog eats better than we do,'" he recalled. "The next thing I know they're dishing out bowls of this moldy garbage. Like it's my fault he snorts coke, or she has 100 pairs of shoes."

Would any of YOU eat this shit? I didn't think so

Hopper said that he is currently "weighing his options" about other domestic possibilities.

"Look, I'm young, and I still have a few good years left. Maybe I can run off and play the 'cute stray' game," he said, scratching his left ear. "Or maybe the dog warden will pick me up, and these idiots will forget about me. This shit, though, has got to go."

Labels: , ,


Comments:
Often we can also be found saying,
"Ranger eats better than we do!"

But we love our dawg, that looks like an older version of Hopper
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/95/269919001_a69aa911af.jpg

He often gets fed off our plates regardless of the pricey dog food that he resorts to once he realizes he is on his own for the night.
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?