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Man Uses Wrong Racial Epithet at Local Library

By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

Regina Kyre: Old, Slow, Proudly Not Irish

37-year-old Toledoan Ian Dobson is not prone to bursts of public outrage, but when he was forced to stand in line for 20 minutes yesterday at a West Toledo library, his mouth “got away from him.”

According to eyewitness reports, Dobson loudly muttered the phrase “stupid mick” after Assistant Librarian Regina Kyre, 68, checked out a copy of “Goodnight, Moon” for his daughter Casie in a slow, doddering fashion.

Kyre, who originally hails from Edinburgh, Scotland, has been a Toledo resident for almost three decades, and strongly resented the slanderous Irish misnomer.

“That rank bajin couldn’t spot a true Scottish dame if one bit him in the arse,” boasted Kyre in her distinct Highlands cadence. “I hope the dobber's daughter gets shagged by a skenker.”

Dobson quickly returned the volley despite his palpable embarrassment.

“Look, all those limey British types sound the same, okay?,” Dobson quipped. “I’ll send Mrs. Braveheart a bottle of Johnnie Walker as an apology. I’m sure she has plenty to celebrate with her library friends since they all make like, $6.73 an hour and live in rusty trailers.”

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Hey, she's kinda hott!

You think that maybe we could mix it up a little, in the stacks?

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