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2/25/2007

Something Big Is Happening at PayPerPost

Subcomandante Bob, with his network of informants, thugs, and nosy bartenders, believes that something is afoot at the online advertising company PayPerPost. While he cannot disclose the exact source of his information, Bob has it on good authority that the company is about to make a major announcement.

Bob also has ideas on what the announcement is all about, and he is convinced that PayPerPost is going to announce that the company will use its considerable resources and coding expertise to perform what might be the ultimate service to humanity: it will rid the Internet of every mention of the human catastrophe that is Britney Spears.

The idea is simple: PayPerPost will unleash a flotilla of Web bots that will scour every page on the Internet, and which will be programmed to replace every mention of "Britney Spears" with a section of blank text. In this way PayPerPost will both improve the quality of written material on the Internet and raise the aggregate human intelligence quotient by 5 to 7 points.

The net result will be greater worldwide peace, harmony, and a lowering of global temperatures, as the reduction in trips to search engines by humans typing in the search phrase "Britney Spears" will cool overheated Web servers. Parents will spend more time with children, children of all sexes will stop dressing like Britney-esque tramps, and Kevin Federline will be relegated to a Trivial Pursuit card.

The legality of the proposed de-Britney operations is, of course, of a questionable nature, but Bob believes that humanity will rally around PayPerPost after the effects of de-Britneyzation become fully manifest.

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