Toledo Tales

(Toledo, OH) The Toledo-Area Regional Transportation Authority (TARTA), facing dwindling ridership and high fuel costs, announced that it will begin offering rickshaw service throughout the city of Toledo.

"We figured this service would be a great way to kill two birds with one big stone," said James Gee, the transit authority’s general manager. "We can hire illegal immigrants to operate the rickshaws, and we save money on fuel costs."

Gee says the agency is committed to moving America toward energy independence by replacing imported petroleum with renewable energy such as sweaty immigrants.

"Hey, those scrawny little immigrants work their asses off," he laughed. "I had a Vietnamese kid run me from downtown to Franklin Park the other day up Monroe Street. You should have seen that sucker huffing - it was worth the buck I tipped him just for the chuckle."

Gee downplayed concerns that the rickshaw service exploits immigrants.

"Hey man - they don't have to take the job," he said. "We can always call the INS and let them deal with these people. Besides, who else is going to pull one of these things? Not me, that's for sure."

Among the benefits of the new rickshaw program, said Gee, are the low maintenance costs.

"You grease the wheel bearings and give Pedro new flip-flops, and you are good to go," he said. "These machines are built to last, and when a driver braks a leg or something, you stick another body in there. We should have done this years ago."