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It's Simple: If You'd Just Shut Your Hole, You Wouldn't Get Hit

Guest editorial by Hank Freeman, angry spouse

Babe, we have a lot of problems, true dat. And I know you don't like having to wear sunglasses all the time to cover up your black eyes. Lord knows I don't need to crack any more metacarpals on the side of your head.

So: if you'd just shut your hole, things would be better, and I wouldn't have to hit your ass.

This seems counterintuitive, I know. That's because you've been listening to a bunch of politically-correct lesbian feminists who fill your head full of nonsense. I really ought to smack the shit out of them, but you're all I've got, Babe.

And, let's face facts: thinking has never been your strong suit. Thinking gets people like you hurt. Bad. So if you don't like pain, don't think. You know, if those Pavlovian dogs can make this connection, there's hope for you, too.

So just shut your hole, OK, Babe? It's better for both of us. And - while we're on the subject - shut the hell up about my crystal meth, too. You know nothing gets me more tense than a bunch of nagging about something that's not really a problem.

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Think .357 with a 4" barrel. The revolves is the most satisfying, trust me on this ;-)
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