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3/13/2007

Local Dog Can't Believe all the Crap in the Yard

(Toledo, OH) A local canine interviewed by Toledo Tales is "shocked" at the amount of fecal matter in the backyard.

Hopper, a black-and-white dog of multiple ancestries, also insists that he is not to blame for the excessive piles.

"Hey man - I couldn't crap that much in a hundred years," he said, shaking his head. "No way you people are blaming all of that on me."

The recent melting of accumulated snows exposed hundreds of suspicious brown lumps in the yard. Hopper said that he has some ideas about the culprits.

"I'm pretty sure there's a rogue gang of Dachshunds in this neighborhood," he mused. "They're not very big, but those little weiner dogs can really crank out a log."

Hopper said that he resents being made the "scapedog" for the accumulated turds.

"I hear you people in the house, with your "goddamned dog has GOT to go" and your "EWWWW! Hopper smells like dookie!' Don't think these canine ears are going soft," he said, scratching his neck. "And let's be honest - if I really WANTED to fill the yard with crap, you ain't seen nothing yet, pal. I could spread the shit from fence to fence if I wanted."

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