Toledo Tales

Guest editorial by Scott Pelham, thinker of scams

I was walking downtown the other day and I saw this, like, blind dude out in front of the bank. He had a shoebox in front of him, and people were just filling that thing with cash, dude.

You know, if I had a blind guy's white cane, I could totally clean up.

You could drop me off at the mall or at Kroger's or even in front of WalMart. It doesn't matter, as long as there's people. I will be the most pathetic-looking blind dude ever, and people will throw so much money at us frigging dump truck to haul that shit away.

I bet we could clear $100 an hour or more.

Better yet - I could use the cane on even days, and you could use it on odds. That way there'd be less chances someone would recognize us, and start up a conversation, and do one of those hand-flick things to see if we really were blind.

And if that doesn't work, dude, we should get a bunch of those "I'm a Deaf Guy" pamphlets and hit all the stores and shove them in people's faces and go "mmmmppph-uggggh-errrrrrrr" or some shit. I bet we could make a couple grand, easy, pretending to be deaf.

I got a million ideas; I'm like the Albert Edison of inventing ways to make money and shit.

Labels: blind, scams, white cane