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AIDS Sufferer Craves One Last Sexual Escapade

By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

A Self-Portrait of Yentze suffering from AIDS

Toledo cartoonist Jim Yentze lived the prototypical rock n’ roll lifestyle. An art school graduate who achieved great financial success in the 1990s illustrating for nationally-recognized magazines and newspapers, Yentze’s life was one fraught with booze, pills, and an endless stream of meaningless sexual liaisons.

But since he contracted HIV in 2003, Yentze has harbored a burning desire even as his health has steadily declined: more than anything, he craves one final sexual debacle so that he can relish the wanton pleasures of the flesh before he dies.

“Billy, I’ll be honest with ya — lots of people contract HIV in tragic situations: you got your blood transfusions, child rape in Africa, the list goes on,” Yentze remarked while crushing the butt of a Marlboro Light. “But not me, man. I’ve seen more ass than a bus station bathroom. And fact of the matter is, I was reckless and probably deserve this disease. I just wish I could have one more orgy before I croak.”

Yentze outlined his hedonistic fantasy in graphic detail.

“I’ve thought this through pretty well, and if I ever find a few chicks who are willing to bang a dude with AIDS, I’ve got the cash to make it happen,” Yentze noted. “Here’s the gist of it: three chicks all dress up like my favorite celebrity crushes — Madonna, Angelina Jolie, and a young Meg Ryan. I tie them all up with rope licorice and make them perform the entire score to My Fair Lady in crotchless chaps. At the end, we bang for nineteen hours and finish it off by eating the licorice. It’s like performance art, but all nasty n’ shit.”

A lot like this, but with fewer dudes and the chicks wouldn't look like end tables

And while some of Yentze’s friends and family have tried to discourage this final wish, he remains doggedly committed to making it a reality.

“Yeah, some of my old college buddies keep saying I need to make my peace with God n’ stuff,” Yentze reflected as he slowly doddered to his bathroom to take his daily battery of medication. “But if I pull this sexcapade off, my life will become the stuff of urban legend. Besides, how bad can hell really be? I live in Toledo, for Christ’s sake.”

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"Besides, how bad can hell really be? I live in Toledo, for Christ’s sake.”

And that just about says it all...
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