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4/01/2007

Babies and Candy "Overrated," Says Local Crook

(Toledo, OH) Ronnie Brecker has been employed in various criminal activities over the years, including car theft, drug sales, and burglary. He toled Toledo Tales that his latest venture, however, was not worth the trouble.

"Yeah, I'd been hearing how easy it is to steal candy from babies, so I figured I'd give it a try," said Brecker. "It's easy all right, but what do you do with the shit? There is, like, no after-market for Dum-Dums."

Brecker said that toddlers are also "terrible victims."

"Most people clam right up once they see the gun," he said. "But, no! Not little Brianna; she's got to scream at the top of her lungs. Then, when you give 'em a quick reminder smack, they scream even more."

Another drawback, according to Brecker, is the quality of the merchandise.

"There little bastards have no eye for top-notch candy; all they want is the goddamn sugar," he said. "And then, when I want to eat a chunk of Laffy Taffy I heisted from some sniveling 2-year old, I find that the little freak ate from it and stuck it back in the package. Screw this!"

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