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Disaster Fan Disappointed in "Wimpy" Thunderstorms

The "lame-ass" storm passes over Lake Erie

(Toledo, OH) Darkening skies and tornado sirens got local resident Tre Ferguson "pretty damned excited," but the self-described "storm freak" found little in which to delight this evening.

"Man, this storm was lamer than a paraplegic with an ingrown toenail," yawned a dejected Ferguson. "I've seen drunk tank clowns bring more entertainment than this shit."

Ferguson decried the "total lack of carnage" as one of the factors contributing to his unhappiness with the storm.

"No injuries, just a couple of downed tree limbs and power lines," he muttered. "At least some kid could have picked up a live wire or something. Because there's nothing funnier than some stupid ten-year-old frying himself, uncontrolled urine running down his leg. Except maybe a screaming guy covered in bees. That's pretty damned funny, too. Oh, and monkeys. They always crack me up."

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