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Fart That Man Thought was a Turd Really Just a Fart

(Toledo, OH) Local plumbing salesman Jerry Winnecki dodged a "potentially dangerous event" last week en route to a client's place of business.

"I was stuck in traffic on I-75 when I ripped what I thought was a massive fart," he said. "As it came out, though, I was sure I had just shit my pants with one of those wet farts - 'sharts,' my kids call them."

Winnecki said that he "almost died of embarassment" when he entered Janney's Ace Hardware on Alexis Road.

"I was convinced I had a big old runny stain on the back of my pants," he said. "And I thought everyone in Janney's could smell my rectal accident."

Fortunately for Winnecki, though, the "assplosion" turned out to be a false alarm.

"After hitting the hardware store I stopped at a McDonald's to check my underwear," he said. "It was like a miracle - not a drop of liquid ass juice anywhere. I tell you what: that was enough of a reminder to get me back to church. God works in mysterious ways, I always say."

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Lucky shit. . .
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