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Bob Wants to Get His Mitts on the New Police CD

Subcomandante Bob is looking forward to the release of the new Police CD. This is a compliation disc of 28 of the band's most memorable songs, also marks the start of a new worldwide reunion tour.

Bob knows that he is no longer welcome at Police shows, mostly due to a strange incident involving Bob, a couple of Indonesian hookers, and a jar of Hellman's mustard. Don't ask.

The music of The Police, however, is sort of the soundtrack to Subcomandante Bob's misspent youth. The new Police CD includes one of Bob's favorite songs by the band, "Every Breath You Take." In a way, the song mirrors Bob's on-again, off-again relationship with Cameron Diaz, who could not handle Bob's mercurial ways and left him.

Bob, of course, has never been one to understand just exactly what "get away from me, you creep" really means, and "Every Breath You Take" can be interpreted as Bob's attempt to persuade Cameron Diaz that she really belongs with him, despite his proclivity for passing out on the front lawn.

Parallels with Bob's twisted life aside, The Police have long been recognized as musical pioneers with a unique sound. More importantly, their music continues to influence modern musicians in ways that other 1980s bands - like, say, A Flock of Seagulls or Kajagoogoo - could never dream of.

Bob plans to pick up a copy of this two-disc set just as soon as he panhandles enough cash for the collection, and as soon as fellow mission resident Mookie returns his CD player, which he thinks he left in the back of the 1984 Honda of this chick named Miranda he met at a bar.

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