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Local Librarian Prefers Fictional Realm to Actual Life

by Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

Moran, in a rare moment of non-reading

(Toledo, OH) Theresa Moran has always been a voracious reader. But when she decided to become a full-time librarian with the Toledo-Lucas County Public Library three years ago, “something deep inside her” changed forever, as she now prefers the realm of fiction and fantasy to the drudgery of everyday life.

“It all started innocently, really,” Moran remarked while eyeing a worn first edition of The Hobbit. “I got sick of working as a bank teller, and thought I would take this job as a stepping stone. But here I am, three years later, reading 893 pages a day. I’m embarrassed to say this, but it’s gotten to the point where I even resent checking out books for patrons. I can’t help but think ‘hey, I might want to read that, you inconsiderate bandersnatch!’”

Indeed, Moran’s personal life and job performance have steadily declined as her daily quota of witches, ghouls, and faraway lands has soared.

“It got to the point last month where I just couldn’t take it anymore,” huffed former boyfriend Jon Aster, an insurance agent in the greater Toledo area. “I’d come up to the counter to surprise her with flowers, or an offer for dinner, and she’d just mumble and point to the card catalog like I was some baffled teenager who couldn’t use the Dewey decimal system. When she called me ‘Beowulf’ the last time we had sex, I knew it was over. Why can’t she just have a drug problem like a normal person?”

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Next time sex comes up, get her into a Wonder Woman outfit for some fantasy play; she's got the rack for it ;-)
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