Toledo Tales

By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

Robeson with His Many Blueberry Mistresses

Local dairy clerk Terrance Robeson, 49, has been leading a double life for nearly three decades ever since he graduated from high school and started his career in the grocery business: he has a voracious lust for yogurt, and often engages in sexual congress while on the clock.

“Billy, for years I lived in shame, while the fags and the dykes had their revolution and even some of those freaks who like to bang kittens,” Robeson sighed while restocking gallons of skim milk. “But for people like me, there’s no national dialogue, no equality, and dammit, I won’t stand for it anymore: I’m here! I’m sincere! I stick my dick in yogurt!”

Robeson continued to express that his amorous connection to yogurt was not merely a “life choice,” but rather a biological predisposition engrained in his genetic composition.

“I knew from a young age that I was a yogurt thumper,” Robeson candidly revealed. “I remember being at the lunch table in high school, getting a full-on chubby as the Peach Cobbler and Strawberry Swirl spooned into other kids’ mouths. I also knew that it was a living thing—a live culture—capable of complex feelings such as attraction and commitment. So you can call me a freak if you want, and slander me as I smear Mixed Berry on my man-sack in the privacy of the break room, but I assure you this goopy bliss is love.”

Labels: fetishes, Toledo, yogurt