.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

8/07/2007

My Kid Wouldn’t Know a Hottie If One Kneeled to Suck His Cock

A Toledo Tales Guest Editorial
By Richard Magsen, Parent


Nick Magsen and Shrapnel Face: Not a Desirable Combination

Our son Nick is a good kid. He gets solid grades, stays out of trouble, and for a 16 year-old, is pretty damn honest and respectful to Linda and me. The only thing that bothers me, though, is that he keeps hanging out with all these weirdo girls that he meets through his high school’s theatre company.

It seems like my kid wouldn’t know a hottie if one kneeled in a mall parking lot to suck his still-developing cock.

Nick will be a junior this year, so he needs to start to take his reputation seriously. If he gets pegged as the chubby theatre kid who hangs out with fatties and brace-faces, he’s gonna be a bottom-feeder well through college.

Like this girl Christina he brought home last Saturday. This girl’s face looked like it took some heavy shrapnel at Normandy, and she was wearing, of all things, a slinky Marilyn Manson t-shirt. Marilyn Manson? Is it 1997 or something? I’m not very hip seeing as I still crank the best of Bachman-Turner Overdrive on my Friday drives home from work, but I’m pretty sure Marilyn Manson doesn’t even listen to Marilyn Manson anymore. I think he teaches at Berkeley or some shit now.

I’ve been working a lot of overtime lately, so maybe me and Nick should go clothes shopping before school starts next month to straighten him out. Hit Hollister, The Gap—you know, really spruce the kid up. Maybe even buy some hair gel at one of those faggy fragrance stores. If he ever hopes to bang a chick like Suzie Collins who lives three houses down, he better wise up. That Collins girl will only be a sophomore this year, but she’s like, a hundred pounds soaking wet and has tits the size of Alaska. I bet dollars to doughnuts she gets a million offers to this year’s winter formal and ends up blowing some guy in the back seat of a Honda Civic, all whacked out on peach schnapps.

That guy needs to be my son. And if he could just ditch these loser bitches, buy a new wardrobe, and maybe use those free weights I got him for Christmas, he’ll have a fighting chance.

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?