.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

8/03/2007

You Think the I-35 Collapse Was a Disaster? It Was Nothing Like Kyle's Lame-O Party

Guest Editorial
By Nathan "Nappy" Jazubowski


People are going nuts about that I-35 bridge collapse that killed a bunch of Minnesota peeps and sent all kinds of cars into the muddy Mississippi and shit.

But that ain't NOTHING like the disaster that was Kyle Pemberville's wack-ass party last night.

Sure, the bridge collapse had missing people, but the 18 poor suckers that they can't find in the rubble just doesn't compare with the hundreds of no-shows at Kyle's place last night. He billed it as "The Bash to End All Keggers," and he promised tons of hotties, but the closest thing to booty I saw was Kyle's 14-year-old sister Amanda. I mean, she had it working, but braces and the Disney Channel are not my bag, you know?

And I know that the I-35W bridge is supposed to be "structurally deficient," but Kyle has that beat hands down. He's both mentally and financially deficient, and the dumb fucker thinks one keg and three bags of pretzels equals "party preparation." After I smoked this big bowl of Chronic, I had some serious munchies, and all I could find were those no-brand pretzel rods. What kind of a state of party readiness is that? I mean, sure, you can dip the pretzels in peanut butter or mustard or mayonnaise or stale salsa, but after that you are totally screwed. And having to sit next to some retarded ninth grader watching a History Channel episode about the rise of Nazi Germany pretty much blows, too. How about some pornos or music videos, Kyle-O?

Even stoners have standards.

Thus, while the Nappy-man recognizes the pain of the Minnesota families whose loved ones were so sorely smited in the I-35 collapse, I must hold fast to the assessment that Kyle Pemberville's party-of-epic-fail was a far greater disaster.

Labels: , , ,


Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?