.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

9/04/2007

Local Dork Even Dorkier with Oakley Sunglasses

(Toledo, OH) Acquaintances of Toledo resident Marty Granhelm are adamant that the local man remains a "serial doofus" despite his recent purchase of a $200 pair of Oakley sunglasses.

"Face it - even with new specs and a Bluetooth, Marty's a complete, drooling feeb," muttered coworker Kevin Johanssen. "We Saran-wrapped the toliet seat on him, and he was all the way back to his cubicle before he figured out he had piss all over his khakis. Yessir - those Oakleys made a difference there!"

Ex-girlfriend Melissa Draheim, whose three-month romance with Granhelm ended in July, said that Marty believes the sunglasses "are like magic, or something."

"I'd be yelling at him to stop being such a fucking douchebag and demand a promotion, and on would go his Oakleys," she recalled, shaking her head. "He's such a pussy that he doesn't even warrant the honor of a bullet-delivered death. Oh, and in bed? Can't even get it up without the fucking sunglasses."

Neighbor Tanya Cappaletty said that Granhelm's new look is like "putting gas in a car you've already wrecked."

"Flat out - he looks like a jackass with those sunglasses," she said. "And, not like I'd ever sleep with the mong or anything, because there's a better chance of seeing Bin Laden and Bush having a latte than me boinking Marty, but the glasses got to go, dude."

Labels: , ,


Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?