.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

9/19/2007

O Flashing VCR, Stop Mocking Me!

A Guest Editorial
by Darren Uphill, programming lackey

You sit there flashing that stupid "12:00" at me over and over again, knowing that it is not within my power to control your bullying behavior.

My greatest anguish as a child came from my lack of programming ability, which denied me the freedom to enjoy the activities that all small, growing boys participated in, like Pong or Space Invaders. Like any other young child, I longed to run and jump about, play hide and seek, be mischievous and laugh with the others.

But you sit there and mock me, mock me, endlessly torturing me every 60 seconds with another flash, knowing full well of my electronic impotence and my history of struggling with anything that needs to be set or programmed.

In second grade a couple of stupid girls were teasing me because I didn't know how to work my calculator and I walked away without saying anything in return — just like they tell you to - and after recess they lied - LIED!!! - to the teacher saying I threw ice at them and Mrs. Pratt would hear none of my story, nothing, and even my parents didn't believe me and that stupid-head teacher made me write an apology to the girls saying "I will not throw ice. I will not throw ice. It is not nice. It is as hard as rocks and could hurt other kids" a hundred times.

So fuck you, O Mean Machine. Flash away, because you don't care, just like the rest of the world.

Labels: ,


# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 8:40 PM
Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?