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9/19/2007

O Flashing VCR, Stop Mocking Me!

A Guest Editorial
by Darren Uphill, programming lackey


You sit there flashing that stupid "12:00" at me over and over again, knowing that it is not within my power to control your bullying behavior.

My greatest anguish as a child came from my lack of programming ability, which denied me the freedom to enjoy the activities that all small, growing boys participated in, like Pong or Space Invaders. Like any other young child, I longed to run and jump about, play hide and seek, be mischievous and laugh with the others.

But you sit there and mock me, mock me, endlessly torturing me every 60 seconds with another flash, knowing full well of my electronic impotence and my history of struggling with anything that needs to be set or programmed.

In second grade a couple of stupid girls were teasing me because I didn't know how to work my calculator and I walked away without saying anything in return — just like they tell you to - and after recess they lied - LIED!!! - to the teacher saying I threw ice at them and Mrs. Pratt would hear none of my story, nothing, and even my parents didn't believe me and that stupid-head teacher made me write an apology to the girls saying "I will not throw ice. I will not throw ice. It is not nice. It is as hard as rocks and could hurt other kids" a hundred times.

So fuck you, O Mean Machine. Flash away, because you don't care, just like the rest of the world.

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