.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

10/16/2007

Local Dog "Betrayed" by Neutering Ruse

Black dog of mixed ancestry (Toledo, OH) Hopper, a local canine of uncertain ancestry, expressed "shock and shame" at the deceptive tactics that led to his recent castration.

"Sure - it was all 'Wanna go for a ride?' and 'Let's go bye-bye!' and 'Wanna treat?'" Hopper recalled, visibly agitated at the memory. "Next thing I know the vet is sawing off my gonads and sewing me up with industrial grade wire. You people are bastards, just complete bastards."

Hopper said that there was "more than just the physical pain" involved in the fateful trip to the veterinarian's office.

"Let's face facts: I was totally fucked over, pure and simple," he noted. "How you would feel if somebody promised you a free BMW or Prada purse and then sliced off your genitalia? Pretty damned low, that's how."

As a result of the "nasty trickery," added Hopper, there will be consequences.

"Mark my words: this is personal, and there WILL be payback. You can count on it, my friend," he said, pausing to lick his still-aching scrotum. "I will use my fury against you, and I will get revenge. When my fury is unleashed against you, you will know that I, Hopper, spoke to you while I was in castratorical recovery, and that your sick games brought on a world of pain. Believe it. Either that, or I will leave loose turd-piles in your jacket pocket and in your shoes. But either way, Hopper WILL have his vengeance."

Labels: , ,


Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?