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10/21/2007

Local Man Hoping IE-7 Loads Porn Faster Than IE-6

(Toledo, OH) Local porn afficianado Lucas Dreighton, who just upgraded to Internet Explorer 7 from the earlier version, hopes that the new web browser will bring his favorite hardcore films quicker.

"You know, I really like IE-6, but it's slower than a Tasered turtle," Dreighton noted. "When I'm downloading some hot girl-on-donkey action, I need a web browser that can handle high-density digital video."

Dreighton said that IE-6 had a number of "logistical inadequacies."

"Look: when I'm trying to blow a load of pent-up jizz, the last thing I need is the browser freezing up on an image of some guy's hairy ass," he said. "That happened last week, leaving me with some pretty strange feelings as I shot my wad."

IE-7 might also offer additional benefits, added Dreighton.

"I'm all about safe surfing, and if you use IE 6 you can get a very serious virus infection, tied with malware and with a Trojan payload," he said. "I don't know about you, but I worry about what I might come down with chasing all these virtual whores and sluts. I mean, watching some chick slobber all over a horse's schlong is pretty cool, but would you French her afterwards? I think not."

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