.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

11/26/2007

Loose Cockatiel No Match for Tennis Racket

(Toledo, OH) The yellow-and-white Australian cockatiel named "Sparky" had been flying around the PetCo location on Monroe Street for "three or four days," according to store employees, and attempts to coax the bird back in his cage had been unsuccessful.

That is, until part-time stock clerk Josh Terwilliger showed up on Sunday afternoon.

"Pretty basically, it only took one swing of my tennis racket to subdue the bird," chuckled Terwilliger, demonstrating the forehand that brought the renegade bird back in line. "It flew by me near the aquarium aisle, and then: THWOK! Down went Sparky."

Terwilliger said that this is not the first "unconventional capture" of a runaway animal he has engineered in the three months he has worked at PetCo.

"I snagged a loose iguana with a pair of wire cutters I had in the storeroom last month," he recalled. "And then there was the pair of tarantulas I chased back into their tank with a can of hairspray and a lighter. Listen - all it took was one look at the 'Fireball of Death' to send those creepy bastards running."

Store manager Pam Kelleher, while disapproving of Terwilliger's methods, nonetheless admitted the clerk "has a knack" for retrieving wayward creatures.

"Josh does get results," she said, nervously eyeing Terwilliger as he shoveled bunnies back into an open hutch. "What he lacks in diplomacy he makes up for in lower merchandise costs. Still, the whole guinea-pig-on-a-skewer incident did leave some bad feelings with the Girl Scouts who accidentally let Scamper out of his cage last week."

Labels: , , ,


Comments:
I'D like to be the first to volunteer to schuer "good old Josh in the ass really hard, smack him in the face with my back hand, and light his cancer stick with a flame thrower while facing him...as the "cable guy" would say, "NOW THAT THERE WOULD BE FUNNY"!!
 
I'D like to be the first to volunteer to schuer "good old Josh in the ass really hard, smack him in the face with my back hand, and light his cancer stick with a flame thrower while facing him...as the "cable guy" would say, "NOW THAT THERE WOULD BE FUNNY"!!
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?