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12/10/2007

Latta to Unveil New "Weirauch is a Filthy Whore" Ads


Ohio Republican Bob Latta, running for Congress in Ohio's Fifth Congressional District, announced today that his campaign will launch a new round of attack ads against Democratic congressional candidate Robin Weirauch.

The television and radio spots will address what the Latta campaign describes as "personal failures" of their opponent.

"Quite simply, Robin Weirauch is the skankiest, nastiest, piece of trash I have ever met, and I know some real human filth," noted Latta. "She's so nasty, if she threw her underwear on the wall, it would stick."

Latta indicated that the new campaign had been initiated in response to a "lack of enthusiasm" for earlier attack ads, as well as being in response to Weirauch's "Bob Latta Murdered JFK" ads.

"I have to admit, I was surprised when the 'Robin Weirauch is a terrorist' and 'Robin Weirauch is a socialist' spots failed to resonate with the voters," he admitted. "Still, the 'Robin Weirauch is a filthy whore' spots look like a can't-miss campaign."

Latta provided Toledo Tales reporters with some hints of the upcoming commercials.

"We Photo-shopped her head over this porno with some crackwhore taking on eleven homeless dudes," he chuckled. "Then we followed it up with an ominous-sounding voiceover asking: 'Do you want the STD-carrying super-slut Robin Weirauch being a role model for your daughters?' My God - that commercial says it all. Besides, the only thing nastier than Robin Weirauch is the Kleenex I filled this morning, what with my sinus infection and all. And Robin Weirauch is so nasty, she'd probably eat that Kleenex. Hey - get the ad agency on the phone - we need to update the 'filthy whore' spots."

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That man will stop at nothing - Machiavelli would be proud!!!!
 
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