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Local Woman Recalls Empty Toilet Paper Terror

(Toledo, OH) A Sylvania woman spent two days trapped in a public restroom stall at a local gas station last week after finding herself without toilet paper.

47-year-old Jennifer Killeen was finally rescued by store employees, who heard her pleas for paper through the ventilation ducts.

"I just finished pinching a runny loaf when I noticed there was noting for wiping," she recalled. "So basically I was frozen to the spot: if I left that toilet, I'd have been covered in shit."

Survival techniques helped the medical assistant make it through her 44-hour ordeal.

"I had nothing with me to eat or drink, so I sipped cold water from the [toilet] tank to keep me going," Killeen said. "And I splashed some on my duff to keep from getting crusties."

After hearing the Sylvania woman's "plaintive cries," attendants at the Alexis Road Speedway brought fresh rolls of toilet paper to the restroom.

"At first we thought she was a pregnant cat or something, with that low howl and whatnot," noted Speedway employee Crystal McIntyre. "But when I got in there, and saw her clenched on the can, I felt really bad about skipping the last few bathroom checks. I mean, I could see the skid marks on the floor and the smeared feces on the wall: desperate people do crazy things, you know?"

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