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12/23/2007

Which One of You Idiot Bastards is Out to Get Me?

Guest Editorial by
Ed Lammers, motorist


After ten minutes on the road this morning - in the middle of what whould have been a quiet Sunday trip to the grocery store, I might add - I am well aware that there is a conspiracy to cause my untimely death at the hands of some unknown motorists. It started with the insane, newspaper-scanning woman who cut across three lanes to make a sudden left turn to look at a 3-month-old yard sale on a telephone pole, and it continued with the old man who locked his brakes in front of some 200 feet before the red light.

The problem is this: I don't know exactly which of you idiot bastards is out to get me.

The conspiracy is quite evident, people. When I stopped at Kroger's for two gallons of milk and a bottle of Rolaids, no less than six of you fucking freaks tried to back into my car. And when that brain-dead twit stopped his car halfway into the intersection, causing me to halt and leaving me wide open for the three psychopaths who tried to rear-end me, I knew that my odds of surviving this coordinated attack were slim indeed.

Thus, I now resolve myself to go on the offensive. I am packing every weapon I know, and anyone of you who gets within 30 yards of my Honda is going to get both barrels. I'm dreaming of a deadly Christmas, and it sure as hell ain't going to be my name on the short list.

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Comments:
As usal, my post has nothing to do with the tragic tale you have presented here.
I thought youmight like to know that the blogger formerly known as Kooz is pleased to announce that he has officially started his "reign of terror" on Mudrakes blog!
Stop by to be astounded by his razor sharp with and blindling intelligence as his squeaky wheel chair of hate ominously gets closer and closer and then the fiend drops his clolostomy bag in the driveway!
 
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