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I Say We Should Blow Up Michael P. Gagnon With Dynamite, Lasers, and Nuclear Bombs

A Guest Editorial by Nathan Higgins
4th Grader at St. Rose School

My mom and dad have been crying and stuff about that family that got killed on the freeway the other day, especially how some of God's Little Angels could be taken away by that Really Scuzzy Bastard Michael P. Gagnon (don't tell my mom I wrote one of the B-words or she'll be really, really MAD).

Now, I know I'm just a kid, but I've played lots of games at Dustin's house that I am not supposed to be playing, like World of Warcraft and Doom and Grand Theft Auto, so I know a whole lot about how to make bad people pay big time.

I say we should totally blow up Michael P. Gagnon with dynamite, lasers, and nuclear bombs.

I think we should start with the lasers and zap him parts of his body that would really hurt, like his eyes and his nipples and his Private Parts and inside of his ears. Then, after he goes through about a week of laser-torture, we should bring out the dynamite.

But we should only use the dynamite to blow up near Michael P. Gagnon, so he gets a leg or an arm or his peter blown off, piece-by-piece. We should have a doctor come by and sew him up after each piece gets ka-blooied, and use really big needles, so he's alive to feel the next piece get blown away.

After all that, we should use the nuclear bombs to blow him to Kingdom Come, where God the Almighty will blast him with a bunch of lightning bolts and fire and brimstone for a thousand years, and then throw what's left of his soul to Hell, where Satan can spend all of eternity poking Michael P. Gagnon in the butt with his pitchfork and make him sit on really hot lava and throw smelly poop on him, just for fun.

My mom says he should go to jail for a long, long, long time, because our Holy Father the Pope does not like to see people get killed, but I think my way is a lot better. If that doesn't work, though, maybe we could make Michael P. Gagnon morph into a Grand Theft Auto hooker, and run him over with stolen Chevvys and shoot him with sawed-off shotguns and stuff.

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That creepy bastard!! If I caught him, I would take him to a remote location, cut out his tongue, and then.... Every day, I would take my gas powered weed whacker and put it to his body! He would wish he was dead every day for the rest of his long, painful life! Oh, If there are any bleeding heart liberals out there.... FUCK YOU PUSSY!!! Those poor children did not deserve that! It was a choice made by a drunk piece of shit that showed no remorse!!! That poor father/husband too! ou have ruined his life and quite possibly his faith! Magnum force vigilante cops....where are you!!!! We need you NOW!! PS....Bleeding heart liberals from california...FUCK YOU!!
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