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1/23/2008

Local Dog Decries Quality of Presidential Candidates

Black dog of mixed ancestry (Toledo, OH) Hopper, a local canine of uncertain ancestry, told Toledo Tales reporters that he is "completely disappointed" with the slate of presidential candidates.

"I sure as hell don't want another four years of George W. Bush, but I am sick and tired of hearing politicians spout off about who can best bring change," Hopper said, pausing to scratch behind his ears. "Candidates love that word, because it establishes a connection with voters, but I want a candidate who will bring REAL change, like better-tasting canned dog food, or rawhide flips that last more than 45 minutes."

Hoper said that he believes the candidates are taking the canine vote for granted.

"Our political leaders cannot take the dogs by the leash this time round and think that they will be supported after throwing the country into a mess," he noted. "And what's with Mitt Romney and that "Who Let The Dogs Out" horseshit? Listen - every time I hear that fucking song, I bark uncontrollably for ten goddamn minutes. Would Mitt flash a strobe light at a bunch of epileptics or stuff candy in the mouths of diabetics? I think not."

Dogs, added Hopper, are much ore savvy voters than politicians realize.

"Its sickening to be treated like we are retarded, telling us stories, patting us on the head, and going 'Woof Woof' when we show up at rallies," he complained. "I swear to God, the next time a politician asks me: 'Who's a good widdle boy-ee?' I'm going to take a chunk out of the fucker's leg. I'll bet most of these assholes have never even seen the inside of a kennel."

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Comments:
Hopper stories are the bomb! He should get his own TV show!
 
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