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Local Peeping Tom Concerned About Your Recent Lack of Masturbation

(Toledo, OH) Neighborhood voyeur Evan Pisanelli, who can often be found gazing through your bedroom windows, believes you are not spending enough "quality time with yourself."

"Look - masturbation and the exploration of your body as a sexual being is normal, and when approached in a healthy manner, is completely safe," he advised. "I am worried that your lack of self-stimulation lately is evidence of a deeper underlying problem, like depression. Or that you are getting off somewhere I can't see."

Pisanelli wants you to know that your interest in masturbation is "perfectly typical" for someone your age.

"You should not feel ashamed about masturbation, and no one will chastise or punish you for your private sexual explorations," he said. "And considering the kinky games the Nelsons play over on Crestwood, your sexual urges are highly ordinary. Except that thing you used to do with the hammer handle. THAT was weird, I gotta admit."

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