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2/04/2008

High Fiber Meal Gives Local Man His Own Super Bowl

(Toledo, OH) The incessant gut rumblings, which began for Toledo resident Paul Montague "four hours after a bowl of All-Bran," bode well for the local man.

His decision to choose a high-fiber cereal over a breakfast of leftover pizza gave Montague what he termed his "own personal Super Bowl."

"The first score was a little dump-off, nothing too fancy," he recalled. "But it was the second one - the long bomb - that told me my bowels were really cooking."

Montague said that the next two touchdowns were the result of "intestinal fortitude."

"Both were running scores, and on both plays I thought I wasn't going to make it," he said. "Both scores were the result of some lightning quick moves and lucky breaks, since the can was empty each time. Otherwise, I was looking at fourth and shart."

Capping the scoring for Montague was a late score by the defense.

"I wasn't sure if I had any more in me, so I allowed a safety just to be prudent," he noted of the unusual call to sit on the toilet without an urge to defecate. "Better to give myself room for a free kick, if you know what I mean."

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