.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Local Man Would Have "Splattered the Floor" with NIU Killer Steven Kazmierczak

(Toledo, OH) Local embellishment specialist Dwayne Baxter told Toledo Tales reporters that he would have wasted no time finishing off NIU gunman Steven Kazmierczak.

"Look, man: I was a sharpshooter in 'Nam, and I never leave home without my Nova .12gauge with a #18 barrel and ghost sights," he noted. "No choke, smoothbore. I can launch a slug and hit a 24"x12" target at 500 yards with no problems, and I'd have blown that skinny punk's head clean off, like a grape getting hit with baseball bat."

Baxter said that he once faced an even more serious situation than the NIU massacre.

"I once got jumped by five Mexican MS-13 gang members with semi-automatic Barettas," he recalled. "I killed two by breaking their necks with my bare hands, then shot two with one bullet, straight through both of their fucking heads. I turned the last one into a drooling quadraplegic, but left him alive as a reminder that no one - NO ONE - messes with the Baxter-man."

Baxter added that the MS-13 attack left him with an unexpected problem.

"When I finished off the last beaner, his hot Chicana girlfriend came on to me," he said. "She was like J-Lo, except with bigger hooters. I'm telling you dude, she was all over me like ants on candy, right there in the alley. She unzipped my fly and took out my hard cock and started rubbing it all over her tits. Then she went down on me until I came, blowing this half-quart load on her face. Freaky shit, dude, but hand-to-God true, every bit."

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?