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2/15/2008

Local Man Would Have "Splattered the Floor" with NIU Killer Steven Kazmierczak

(Toledo, OH) Local embellishment specialist Dwayne Baxter told Toledo Tales reporters that he would have wasted no time finishing off NIU gunman Steven Kazmierczak.

"Look, man: I was a sharpshooter in 'Nam, and I never leave home without my Nova .12gauge with a #18 barrel and ghost sights," he noted. "No choke, smoothbore. I can launch a slug and hit a 24"x12" target at 500 yards with no problems, and I'd have blown that skinny punk's head clean off, like a grape getting hit with baseball bat."

Baxter said that he once faced an even more serious situation than the NIU massacre.

"I once got jumped by five Mexican MS-13 gang members with semi-automatic Barettas," he recalled. "I killed two by breaking their necks with my bare hands, then shot two with one bullet, straight through both of their fucking heads. I turned the last one into a drooling quadraplegic, but left him alive as a reminder that no one - NO ONE - messes with the Baxter-man."

Baxter added that the MS-13 attack left him with an unexpected problem.

"When I finished off the last beaner, his hot Chicana girlfriend came on to me," he said. "She was like J-Lo, except with bigger hooters. I'm telling you dude, she was all over me like ants on candy, right there in the alley. She unzipped my fly and took out my hard cock and started rubbing it all over her tits. Then she went down on me until I came, blowing this half-quart load on her face. Freaky shit, dude, but hand-to-God true, every bit."

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 5:36 PM
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