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Toledo Man Offers Ohio Primary Vote to Top Bidder

(Toledo, OH) Local bowling afficianado and underemployed lawn maintenance technician Nathan "Nappy" Jazubowski has a "bitchin' offer" to Democratic presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

"Pretty basically, people: Nappy's vote is on the auction block," announced Jazubowski to local media members. "The Napster can be yours for the taking, and I can even gift-wrap the ballot, if you got a shiny box or whatever."

Jazubowski noted that the close race means that "every extra vote counts."

"It's like demand and supply, dudes: a vote from Nappy might just put your ass over the top," he said, pausing to draw a big-league toke from his blunt. "I figure that my incremental vote should bring at least $50 or so."

The proceeds of the auction, added Jazubowski, benefit a "worthy cause."

"The cash shall be righteously applied to important medical supplies," he said. "HIPPA laws prevent me from disclosing the specifics, but you can rest assured that the pharmaceutical acquisitions will address a Chronic need."

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