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3/19/2008

Local Dog Admits Barack Obama Makes Him Growl

Black dog of mixed ancestry (Toledo, OH) Hopper, a local canine of uncertain ancestry, told Toledo Tales reporters that there's something about Democratic presidential contender Barack Obama that raises his hackles.

"Look: I'm not racist, OK?" he said, pausing to scratch behind his ear. "But every time I see Obama on TV, I have the urge to snap and bite. It's, like, hard-wired or something, you know?"

Hopper said that his owners have tried conditioning him to accept the African-American politician, but their efforts have so far been unsuccessful.

"Oh yeah, they've used everything from the rolled-up newspaper to Liv-a-Snaps, but I keep charging the TV every time I see the bastard grinning on MSNBC," he acknowledged, briefly sniffing the ground. "They were really embarassed when the Wilsons were over last week. They kept apologizing, but you could tell old man Wilson was thinking they trained me to go ape-shit on black folks."

If Obama is elected President, noted Hopper, there may be "unforseeable consequences."

"I can just see the Secret Service pulling up and hauling my ass to Guantanamo Bay," he said, chewing on a muddy stick he discovered. "I'll be over at someone's house, President Obama will come on TV, and there I will be, trying to rip out his throat and howling about how I'm going to kill him. No jury in the world would acquit my mongrel ass, either, especially if they get me on video foaming at the mouth about Obama. Funny thing? I actually like the dude, and if they'd let me into the polls, I'd probably pull the lever for him."

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# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 9:06 PM
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