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4/21/2008

Your Brother Smells Like Pee

A Guest Editorial by Nathan Higgins
4th Grader at St. Rose


Jordan, we've been friends since way back in October, and I like coming over to your house to play video games and make prank phone calls and stuff. Your mom buys lots of cool snacks like Oreos and PopTarts, which is good, 'cuz my mom only buys "healthy snacks" like carrots and apples and crapola.

But I definitely don't like your little brother Derek hanging around us, 'cuz he always smells like pee.

I mean, what's up with that? Does the little dude ever change his whitey-tighties, or what? I was sitting next to him while we were playing Grand Theft Auto and every time he moved his legs, all you could smell was stinking piss.

I really think he just pees his pants or something. Maybe he ought to be wearing diapers or those Big Boy Pullups, like my 3-year-old brother Jason wears, walking around saying "I'm a big boy" like it's something special not to have dookie sticking to your butt.

The only good thing is it's springtime, and we can open some windows so Mr. Pee Pee Pants doesn't stink up your house. But you know what? Even my dog Molly smells better than Derek, and she rolls around in her own mess and eats her own puke and stuff.

It's not my business, but Derek has got to do something about his stanky self, or we are going to have to move the PS-3 outside.

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