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Olive Garden Waiter: I'll Toss YOUR Salad, You Little Punk

Guest editorial by Frank Jacoby,
irritated waiter

Listen: waiting tables at the freaking Olive Garden wasn't exactly my idea of the best ways to spend my golden years, that's for damned sure. But just go ahead and try to get a better job when you're age 55 and you've been working at some shitty auto parts plant for 20 years and it closes up.

But I'll tell you one thing: I don't have to sit here and listen to you little 19-year-old faggots make "tossed salad" jokes when it's time to place your order.

You think just because I've got a few gray hairs I'm too old to know that "toss your salad" is a euphemism for anal prison rape? Or that when you ask if I have a "hot Italian sausage" that I don't know this is some thinly-veiled reference to my dick?

Here's a word for you: FUCK YOU. OK, that's two words, but I sure as shit am not going to stand here and have you little bastards insult me, and then turn around and leave a fifty-cent tip. You better pray I never see your punk asses outside of this restaurant, or I'll cave your fucking craniums with an aluminum softball bat.

And for your information:Ziti al Forno has nothing to do with acne, you little asswipes, and it's pronounced "ZEE-tee." If you're gonna be a bunch of smart-ass pricks, at least come up with something original, dipshits.

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