.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

8/16/2005

Ford Re-Emerges After Long Hibernation

Left: Mayoral cave of Jack Ford

(Toledo, OH) Toledo mayor Jack Ford, looking grouchy after a 3-1/2 year hibernation, yawned and vowed to run a vigorous campaign.

"We need to wake this city up," he said, scratching his left side. "And hey, is there any food at this press conference?"

Campaign aide Megan Vahey said that, despite his period of dormancy, the mayor has actually been very busy.

"Any time documents needed to be signed, someone would tiptoe into the mayoral cave and get a signature," she said. "Although that McCracken guy from O-I almost got mauled when he showed up unannounced one day last winter."

Toledo Zoo specialist Kevin Adamski said that, before entering hibernation, most species eat large amounts of food and store energy in fat deposits to survive the period of inactivity.

"It appears that Jack has emerged re-energized and well-rested," he said. "I am concerned though, that this election has disturbed his normal cycle."

Stretching his arms, Ford said he was not going to let comments from political opponents bother him.

"My team has accomplished a great deal since 2001," he said, rubbing his eyes. "My department heads knew what things I needed to wake up for."

Ford said that his hibernation was a plus on the campaign trail.

"After 3-1/2 years, I am ready and raring to go," he said. "My opponnents will still need to sleep at night, but I can go 24/7 through the whole campaign."

Comments:
Grrrrrrrowwwlllllll.

He's not sleepy anymore!
 
I have a question:

Did Jack shower after crawling out of the cave?
 
Yes. Ford has running water, electricity, and HBO in his mayoral cave.
 
Good thing you didn't say "black" bear, or people would call you a racist.
 
Who said I thought JaFo was a bear?
 
You guys should lighten up on Jack Ford. He has done many good things for this city.
 
Maybe it has been "good" that he has been so inactive. If he were not hibernating, Jack Ford might actually have made things worse in the Glass City.
 
Kelly is right, we should be thankful for Jack Ford, without him? There would be so much less material to joke about.

We'd be left with old Carty jokes.

:-)

If I could be a Toledo voter? I'd urge you to all consider the humor factor as well in your decision. Personally? I think Wilkowski has some potential, especially if he keeps Taxpayer's Advocate around (and buys him a new superhero suit)
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?