.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Toledo Dealer To Help New Orleans Addicts

(Toledo, OH) Local crystal meth dealer Frankie Kitchener, saddened by images of addicts left without a fix in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, loaded a conversion van full of supplies Saturday.

"Yeah, it's sad and all, being ice-less," he said, chainsmoking two Marlboros. "I really feel for these people, and want to help them out."

Kitchener said that some of the meth-heads have been without their drug of choice for a week.

"I could see on TV that many of them were going through some serious feening," he said, using a colloquialism for withdrawal symptoms. "They need it bad, alright."

Kitchener added that this was not a true mission of mercy, though.

"F**k that shit! I am going down there to make a f**kload of cash, baby," he said. "Sure, I'll give 'em a little taste for free, but after that, everybody pays."

The dealer added that this looks like the opportunity of a lifetime.

"Any dealers with any money got the hell out," he said. "Plus, the narcotics cops ain't paying any attention to their regular shit, having been put on dead body detail. I should make $50 grand and a couple of flat screen TVs for sure."

That's wrong, man.
Funny stuff.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?