.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Heavens Open As Carty Finkbeiner Returns

(Toledo, OH) Rapturous music and heavenly host accompanied the second coming of Toledo mayor Carty Finkbeiner, who defeated the incumbent Jack Ford Tuesday night.

Finkbeiner, resurrected from the political graveyard, was carried on a berm to One Government Center by cherubim and seraphim.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Carty art with me," said one adoring Toledo resident. "Surely goodness, mercy, and an industrial job shall follow me all the days of my life."

Finkbeiner carried the city with over 62% of the vote, and in the process produced another surprise.

"Carty has never pulled more than 51% of the vote in a mayoral election," said a local political pundit. "This is nothing short of miraculous."

On passing a paralyzed supporter, Finkbeiner touched the withered legs of the young man, who rose up out of his wheelchair.

"These...are the first steps I have taken in twenty years," said Todd Flemming of Toledo. "We are not worthy!"

On a post-electoral trip through Woodlawn Cemetery, Finkbeiner raised a number of interred remains back to life. One recipient of Carty's raising of the dead, however, was less than enthusiastic.

"Look at me - just look at me; I look awful," said Helga Smithers, who died in 1991. "What good is it to come back if I look like a piece of beef jerky?"

All of the dead people should just move out by the airport.
All of the dead people should just move out by the airport.
Carty's almost Angelic powers can and should be attributed to the darker forces of the other world.

On the other side everything may not be as it first appears.

I await the second coming of the EVIL Carty, the True Carty...
I thought Carty was the AntiChrist...sheesh!
All hail Saint Carty
I'm not a big Carty fan but better to have him rise from the dead than to have the dead one reelected.
It is not going to matter anyway, Toledo will soon be a ghost town. People are leaving everyday.
Toledo sucks big farts!!!
Too many people living in la la land in Toledo, if you want life to be baseball and apple pie, you need to move where the Beverly Hillbillies moved from, it's not gonna happen, wake your behinds up and smell the coffee. Or maybe you should move further in the sticks, yeah that's a good thing. Society is not going to cater to your wants or needs. It seems like that is what most people here wants , to live a normal life, but that is a oxy-moron. You should have left technology where it was for that to happen. So, y'all come back now ya' hear!!!
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?