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11/09/2005

Heavens Open As Carty Finkbeiner Returns

(Toledo, OH) Rapturous music and heavenly host accompanied the second coming of Toledo mayor Carty Finkbeiner, who defeated the incumbent Jack Ford Tuesday night.

Finkbeiner, resurrected from the political graveyard, was carried on a berm to One Government Center by cherubim and seraphim.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Carty art with me," said one adoring Toledo resident. "Surely goodness, mercy, and an industrial job shall follow me all the days of my life."

Finkbeiner carried the city with over 62% of the vote, and in the process produced another surprise.

"Carty has never pulled more than 51% of the vote in a mayoral election," said a local political pundit. "This is nothing short of miraculous."

On passing a paralyzed supporter, Finkbeiner touched the withered legs of the young man, who rose up out of his wheelchair.


"These...are the first steps I have taken in twenty years," said Todd Flemming of Toledo. "We are not worthy!"

On a post-electoral trip through Woodlawn Cemetery, Finkbeiner raised a number of interred remains back to life. One recipient of Carty's raising of the dead, however, was less than enthusiastic.

"Look at me - just look at me; I look awful," said Helga Smithers, who died in 1991. "What good is it to come back if I look like a piece of beef jerky?"

Comments:
All of the dead people should just move out by the airport.
 
All of the dead people should just move out by the airport.
 
Carty's almost Angelic powers can and should be attributed to the darker forces of the other world.

On the other side everything may not be as it first appears.

I await the second coming of the EVIL Carty, the True Carty...
 
I thought Carty was the AntiChrist...sheesh!
 
All hail Saint Carty
 
I'm not a big Carty fan but better to have him rise from the dead than to have the dead one reelected.
 
It is not going to matter anyway, Toledo will soon be a ghost town. People are leaving everyday.
 
Toledo sucks big farts!!!
 
Too many people living in la la land in Toledo, if you want life to be baseball and apple pie, you need to move where the Beverly Hillbillies moved from, it's not gonna happen, wake your behinds up and smell the coffee. Or maybe you should move further in the sticks, yeah that's a good thing. Society is not going to cater to your wants or needs. It seems like that is what most people here wants , to live a normal life, but that is a oxy-moron. You should have left technology where it was for that to happen. So, y'all come back now ya' hear!!!
 
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