.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

1/23/2006

Ford Grabs Axe, Unveils Restructured Company


(Detroit, MI) Ford Motor Company, the second-largest US automaker, today announced plans to eliminate jobs and close plants in North America as it tries to stem losses at its largest automotive unit.

"Taking the lead from DaimlerChrysler, we plan to outsource every possible chunk of our production," said Chief Executive Officer William Clay Ford Jr. "We think we can chop employment down to about 50 people."

Ford is counting on the job reductions, the most extensive since the first reorganization in 2002, to help reinvigorate the company's North American auto unit following losses in four out of the last five quarters.

"The bottom line is that Wall Street wants us lean, mean, and pension-free," Ford said. "Most of these fuckers just sit around the plant and waste time anyhow - maybe hitting the streets to look for a job might halp them lower their cholesterol."

Ford is calling its restructuring plan the "Way Forward."

"Look - the old way, which was hiring people and contributing to local tax bases and economies, just wasn't working out," he said. "It's time for Americans to realize that we just don't build things any more. That's for smelly third-world types."

Comments:
And his football team sucks too
 
smug fucker. must be nice to run your family's legacy into the ground.
 
Yeah, and Honda and Toyota are whipping your sorry ass by building competitive vehicles here, with American workers...

Grandpaw would be soooo proud, just before he beat you senseless, that is.
 
Will William Clay Ford put Matt Millen in an executive position?
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?