.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

1/12/2006

Local Weedman: "Cops Are Bad For Business"


Left: "Piper," a local pharmaceuticals rep

(Toledo, OH) According to a local entrepreneur, Toledo Police have been causing disruption to the normal operations of his business.

"Yeah, they have been hassling some of my best customers," said "Piper," a local sales rep. "We don't bother nobody, but they got nothing better to do than f**k with people."

Piper, who has been in the pharmaceutical industry for "as long as I can remember," said that undercover vice squad officers have been posing as customers to try to trip him up.

"You can spot them as soon as they get out of the car," he said. "Still, just having them around scares people away, just like the SEC."

Business is down almost 20 pecent this quarter, said Piper.

"Look, I got shareholders, right? My f***ing P/E ratio has tanked, and now I'm looking at a hostile takeover from some Detroit Avenue crew," he said. "On top of that, try to get a loan only 2 points over prime when they get lucky and sieze an ounce of rock from one of my sellers. My accountant totally freaked after that bust."

Some timely moves in the stock market are the only thing keeping his firm afloat, said Piper.

"We got lucky on some venture capital last month, giving this nobody 10 grand to drive to Mexico for weed," he said, poring over a spreadsheet printout. "But the futures market right now is in a free fall. I swear to God I'm just gonna start delivering pizzas again if the market doesn't improve."

Comments:
Hey Bob, just read on overthrow.com that you are me. Funny, you don't feel like me. I'm still funnier and I look better naked.
 
What, running reruns already?

Anonymous says, "You rock, Bob"
 
Unknown Fucktard:

On a more serious note, email me at codependentcollegian@yahoo.com if you would like to help out in the "Sue Bill White" campaign.

It seems that your comments on Isis's blog were the impetus for Bill's article.
 
I have this sneaking feeling Bill will be mad enough to shit in his hand and throw it at me when he sees the latest. BTW I did email you.
 
Piper,

"I swear to God I'm just gonna start delivering pizzas again if the market doesn't improve."

Pizza delivery is a very good cover for delivering pharmaceuticals ;-)
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?