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Worried Toledo Man Collects Charcoal For Miner Families

(Toledo, OH) Carl Hillebrand was devastated by the images of the Sago families grieving over the loss of loved ones in the mining disaster, and he vowed to make a difference.

"Hey man - it's winter in West Virginia, too," he said while pushing a wheelbarrow. "I thought to myself: 'What the hell are those poor folks gonna do without coal?' and then I knew what I had to do."

Hillebrand decided to start a charcoal drive to help the freezing West Virginians.

"We don't have much coal around here, except for the three truckloads I stole from the Edison plant," he said. "I figured charcoal was the next best alternative, especially Kingsford, the original charcoal briquets. They light faster and burn longer, compared to other national charcoal brands."

The backyard of the Hillebrand house is now obscured by a thirty-foot mountain of charcoal. Hillebrand's wife Gail, however, did not share the same level of enthusiasm for her husband's philanthropy.

"I swear to God if Carl doesn't get that shit out of here by the end of the month I am going to take a flamethrower to it," she said. "What the fuck was he thinking? It's not like those people in West Virginia are living in the Stone Age or something. Aren't most of them living in trailer parks?"

Hillebrand remined resolute.

"No miner family is going to freeze while Carl Hillebrand can still breathe," he vowed. "Now I just gotta figure how to get this stuff over there. Hey - can I borrow your truck?"

Too funny.
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