.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

1/06/2006

Worried Toledo Man Collects Charcoal For Miner Families


(Toledo, OH) Carl Hillebrand was devastated by the images of the Sago families grieving over the loss of loved ones in the mining disaster, and he vowed to make a difference.

"Hey man - it's winter in West Virginia, too," he said while pushing a wheelbarrow. "I thought to myself: 'What the hell are those poor folks gonna do without coal?' and then I knew what I had to do."

Hillebrand decided to start a charcoal drive to help the freezing West Virginians.

"We don't have much coal around here, except for the three truckloads I stole from the Edison plant," he said. "I figured charcoal was the next best alternative, especially Kingsford, the original charcoal briquets. They light faster and burn longer, compared to other national charcoal brands."



The backyard of the Hillebrand house is now obscured by a thirty-foot mountain of charcoal. Hillebrand's wife Gail, however, did not share the same level of enthusiasm for her husband's philanthropy.

"I swear to God if Carl doesn't get that shit out of here by the end of the month I am going to take a flamethrower to it," she said. "What the fuck was he thinking? It's not like those people in West Virginia are living in the Stone Age or something. Aren't most of them living in trailer parks?"

Hillebrand remined resolute.

"No miner family is going to freeze while Carl Hillebrand can still breathe," he vowed. "Now I just gotta figure how to get this stuff over there. Hey - can I borrow your truck?"

Comments:
HA!
 
Too funny.
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?