Toledo Tales

Left: Whooping it up in One Government Center

(Toledo, OH) After word of his new $9,996 executive shower leaked to the local press, Toledo mayor Carty Finkbeiner decided annouce all of the amenities added to the mayor's office.

"It is my pleasure to display our new mayoral hot tub," he smiled, gesturing toward the bubbling water. "This baby even has those high-powered jets for the lower lumbar region. Man, my lower lumbar sometimes gets pretty tightened up, especially when I am going all out on economic development."

Another new feature - a well-stocked bar, complete with a carbonated soda dispenser.

"When we are entertaining out-of-town businessmen, we want to show them how fun Toledo can be," said the mayor, clinking ice cubes into highball glasses. "When they leave we want them to think one word when they think of Toledo, and that word is 'Partytown!'"

Finkbeiner added that he hopes morale in City Hall will get a boost with the new facilities.

"We are having directors' meetings up here, and let me tell you, there is some real comraderie brewing here," he said, stripping to his bathing suit. "Everyone except that towel boy Larry, though. That kid needs to lighten up before he gets a mayoral ass-kicking, and don't think for a minute I won't do it myself, either." brrreeeport krugle