Toledo Tales

(Toledo, OH) Toledo City Council today approved a waiver of the living-wage ordinance for the planned Costco store at the Westgate Village Shopping Center.

In addition, Costco will be permitted to purchase slaves to build and operate its Toledo location.

Councilman Rob Ludeman led the charge to promote enslavement.

"Look - these are not the 1950s, and Toledo must do anything it can to attract employers," he said. "Costco slaves will be given three square meals a day, and can purchase their freedom after two fiscal years."

Unlike traditional American slavery, Costco slave will not be purchased on the basis of race.

"We are pretty much going to snare anyone with a pulse," said Costco spokesman Pierre Riel. "Black, white, yellow - as long as they can lift a pallet of paper goods, they're OK by us."

Council also authorized millions in tax abatements for the wholesale grocer.

"It's the least we can do to thank Costco for choosing Toledo," said Ludeman to a group of visiting Costco officials. "Oh, I forgot to ask - will you guys need anything else? Maybe some hookers or blow? Whatever you need - you got it!" Berlusconi Proof