.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Zoo Director: "No Levies, No More Cuddly Animals"

Left: Baker - stone cold killer when need be

(Toledo, OH) With a backdrop of sea lions, Dr. Anne Baker spoke to the media about the importance of the zoo levies.

"The attention of everyone here at the zoo is focused on right now is getting these levies through," she said, loading a double-barreled shotgun. "If the levies don't pass, I swear to God I will blow away each and every last one of these cuddly little animals."

The zoo has two tax issues on the May 2 ballot. The capital improvement levy will cost the owner of a $100,000 home $30.62 a year, an increase of $12.46 over the current capital levy. The new operating levy will cost $26.03 a year, or $7.34 more per homeowner.

"Is twenty bucks a year so much to ask for?" asked Baker as she toyed with a hypodermic needle in a menacing fashion. "I sure wouldn't want 3,000 dead animals on my conscience if I were you. And don't think I won't do it, either."

A zoo assistant held up a mewing panda cub for reporters, pausing to feed it from a specially-designed bottle.

"Sure, she is cute, but I would slit this critter's throat in a heartbeat," she said, pointing a dagger at the startled creature. "Pass the levies, or little Ling-Ling here gets a severed jugular. Next question." katie couric

Can you prove this???? This is horrible!
Hey, here's a great idea for the yard signs! Take a picture of the cutest fuzziest animal with a gun to its head and the tag line is Pass the levies or the (Insert Animal Name) Gets it! It would work like a charm! (Think National Lampoon cover from the late 70's)
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?