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4/05/2006

Zoo Director: "No Levies, No More Cuddly Animals"


Left: Baker - stone cold killer when need be

(Toledo, OH) With a backdrop of sea lions, Dr. Anne Baker spoke to the media about the importance of the zoo levies.

"The attention of everyone here at the zoo is focused on right now is getting these levies through," she said, loading a double-barreled shotgun. "If the levies don't pass, I swear to God I will blow away each and every last one of these cuddly little animals."

The zoo has two tax issues on the May 2 ballot. The capital improvement levy will cost the owner of a $100,000 home $30.62 a year, an increase of $12.46 over the current capital levy. The new operating levy will cost $26.03 a year, or $7.34 more per homeowner.

"Is twenty bucks a year so much to ask for?" asked Baker as she toyed with a hypodermic needle in a menacing fashion. "I sure wouldn't want 3,000 dead animals on my conscience if I were you. And don't think I won't do it, either."



A zoo assistant held up a mewing panda cub for reporters, pausing to feed it from a specially-designed bottle.

"Sure, she is cute, but I would slit this critter's throat in a heartbeat," she said, pointing a dagger at the startled creature. "Pass the levies, or little Ling-Ling here gets a severed jugular. Next question." katie couric

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 12:53 AM
Comments:
Can you prove this???? This is horrible!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 9:53 AM
 
Hey, here's a great idea for the yard signs! Take a picture of the cutest fuzziest animal with a gun to its head and the tag line is Pass the levies or the (Insert Animal Name) Gets it! It would work like a charm! (Think National Lampoon cover from the late 70's)
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 4:05 PM
 
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