.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Toledo to Hire Illiterate Truckers to Curb On-The-Job Reading

Left: No more frigging geniuses, eh?

(Toledo, OH) In an effort to reduce a plague of employees reading on breaks, the city of Toledo announced today that, henceforth, all municipal truck drivers will be required to be illiterate.

"Although most of our workers are productive and aren't goofing off, the perception that a few can give by spreading out a large newspaper across the windshield can cause the perception that we're lazy," said Bill Franklin, director of the Department of Public Service. "It is therefore incumbent upon us to find a class of employees not prone to such acts of perceived laziness."

Franklin said that the city is also "taking a hard look" at measures to curb literacy among existing employees.

"We think that lining workers up and smacking them - hard - with a section of pipe might work," he said. "If not, we may have to use some sort of brain-damaging medication to achieve the desired levels of stupidity."

Franklin added that the city may also extend the illiteracy clause to other departments.

"Intelligence is a dangerous thing, especially when people use it to read," he said, shaking his head. "Best to weed those treacherous malcontents out before they start questioning authority, or something equally disruptive."

"Intelligence is a dangerous thing, especially when people use it to read." Wow. Spot-on, fellas.
Have no fear, the anti-literacy campaign is necessary (except when it comes to elected officials, such as Mayors).
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?