.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

9/14/2006

Pollster: Labradors are the Key to November Elections

Labrador retrievers (Toledo, OH) There were no obvious lessons for November in the smattering of primary elections held around the U.S. Tuesday, but a new poll suggests that one key demographic may hold the key for savvy politicians.

A survey by Yankelovich, the North Carolina-based pollster and consulting firm, showed that Labrador retrievers and their owners have "zapped the gap," meaning today's Labs seem unusually close to their elders.

"What we're seeing is owners and dogs being more likely to start discussions about the marketplace and life in general more from a place of commonality than conflict," reported John Page, the company's canine insights manager. "Thus, politicians who don't carry Milkbones with them are likely to experience negative consequences in November."

Page had additional tips for campaigning candidates about America's top breed of dogs.

"At no point should you yell: 'BAD DOG,'" he cautioned. "Even if the Labrador is trying to bury the bone in your leg, try to relax and go with the flow. Better to have to wipe up a little doggie jizz than to piss off a voter."

Bill Clinton getting humped by a LabradorLeft: Be like Bill

Page also urged politicians to really put forth an effort to understand what he referred to as "Generation Lab."

"What are their wants? What are their needs? How do businesses market to them?" he asked. "The candidates who know how to keep Rex happy have a decided edge over those with rolled up newspapers and fierce looks. Learn to embrace the Lab in every voter, or at least to fake it. But be careful - Labs can smell a fraud from a country mile away, and they are not bashful about outing you."

Comments:
Too funny!
 
woof woof
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?